Merry Christmas to my Female Friends

 I wrote this poem couple of years ago and actually forgot I had penned it until recently looking at my Christmas website.  I think my female readers may find it entertaining but U.K. please note that where the word "fanny" is stated it refers to the American market where fanny means bottom.
 
When writing your Christmas cards why not personalize them by picking a verse from my range of funny, cute, christian, short, children and not forgetting love you will find the link here
http://www.getwellversed.com/christmas-poems.html

NOTE! I HAVE FOUND THIS POEM ALL OVER THE WEB AS AUTHOR UNKNOWN WHICH IS VERY UPSETTING WHEN IT'S MINE SO IF YOU USE IT PLEASE CREDIT MY NAME AND WEBSITE BECAUSE IT IS APPEARING AS OTHER PEOPLE'S WORK.

Merry Christmas To My Female Friends

If I were ol' Santa, you know what I'd do
I'd dump silly gifts that are given to you
And deliver some things just inside your front door
Things you have lost, but treasured before.

I'd give you back all your maidenly vigor,
And to go along with it, a neat tiny figure.
Then restore the old color that once graced your hair
Before rinses and bleaches took residence there.

I'd bring back the shape with which you were gifted
So things now suspended need not be uplifted.
I'd draw in your tummy and smooth down your back
Till you'd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks.

I'd remove all your wrinkles and leave only one chin
So you wouldn't spend hours rubbing grease on your skin.
You'd never have flushes or queer dizzy spells,
And you wouldn't hear noises like ringing of bells.

No sore aching feet and no corns on your toes,
No searching for spectacles when they're right on your nose.
Not a shot would you take in your arm, hip or fanny,
From a doctor who thinks you're a nervous old granny.

You'd never have a headache, so no pills would you take.
And no heating pad needed since your muscles won't ache.
Yes, if I were Santa, you'd never look stupid,
You'd be a cute little chick with the romance of a cupid.

I'd give a lift to your heart when those wolves start to whistle,
And the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle.
But alas! I'm not Santa. I'm simply just me,
The matronest of matrons you ever did see.

I wish I could tell you all the symptoms I've got,
But I'm due at my doctor's for an estrogen shot.
Even though we've grown older, this wish is sincere,
Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year.

by Margmax 2010